I had been to therapy for years and had been told I was an empath, but I didn't realize what that really meant. 

It means more than you are absorbing other people's emotions, illnesses, and energy. 

It's not just an inconvenience. 

It completely destroys your life. Having this energetic exchange happen regularly in your relationships distorts your relationships. 

There is no other way around it. 

Here is how it played out in my marriage and began to make my marriage suffer. 

I remember this day vividly still. My husband and I have amazing conversations together and enjoy spending time together so we had this beautiful habit of going on trails together. 

One Saturday, we were walking a trail and I was filled with so many positive emotions.

I had been working on my trauma and was beginning to feel safe and happy when all of a sudden he reached for my hand. The second he touched my hand, a dark cloud loomed over me and I felt depressed. 

Grief and extreme pain overwhelmed me. 

The reality is that this had been happening for a long time in my life, but the stark contrast of that day is what made me realize this was occurring. Prior to that it would have been hard for me to notice because I was already depressed so if I were to feel even more depressed it just meant I was having a bad day. 

This isn't where it stopped though. I began to notice that I was waking up fatigued in the mornings. I had no energy within me. That was because I was giving my life force energy to my husband while we slept at night in bed together. 

I didn't know what to do anymore. I literally couldn't be around my husband without feeling discomfort in my own body and of course that spilled out into how we interacted with each other.

I had absorbed so much of other people's anger and other emotions that I began to genuinely feel hatred inside. I hated people and I hated my husband. 

All of this anger welled up inside of me and I would vomit verbal diarrhea on my husband daily. 

Our joyous walks turned into fighting matches. 

And he just wanted his wife back. He had no idea what was going on with me. 

Once I realized what was going on, I began to do the work that needed to be done to undo all of this and it isn't easy. 

There are no tricks to stopping this cycle. The only way to get out of it was to go through the subconscious beliefs I had that were causing me to absorb other people's energy. 

There are a few core beliefs that allow this to happen. Here they are:

1) I don't deserve love. 

2) I am not worthy of goodness. 

These beliefs energetically send out the message to the world that everyone else is more important than you are so they are able to steal your energy and due to your beliefs you also willingly subconsciously self sacrifice all the time absorbing other people's ailments, maladies, and negative emotions in exchange for your healthy energy. 

The underlying reason for this is the belief that if you do this you will finally be able to receive love. You will finally be loved. 

But unfortunately that never happens. 

So instead what happened is that I became increasingly emotionally unstable and easily triggered and as time progressed incredibly ill. 

And I felt like a complete failure at life because my relationships were a disaster, but I also couldn't function very well in life anymore due to this lack of energy. 

I was a mess and it hurt to be stuck in this mess. 

I felt that God was very unfair. I felt that God wasn't supporting me or helping me. 

It was an incredibly dark time in my life that I wouldn't wish upon anyone and I was helpless to change it only because I didn't realize how my energy was contributing to my problems. 

This post is part of a series on Getting Out Of the Fight Make Up Fight Cycle in your marriage. There were many components that were creating this issue. It is a very complex issue. Please click on the links below, if you would like to read the rest of the series. 

If these posts sound like the problem you are currently experiencing in your marriage, I can help. I have helped myself and dozens of women get out of this cycle and I can help you too.  If you're ready to receive help please click the button below to schedule a FREE consultation. In this consultation, I will assess whether I am the right person to help you with your current problem. 

We had been stuck in the same arguments for a long time. Every time I would try to bring it up in a different way and to be careful with the words I used, but we would still end up in a fight. 

Until one day as we were stuck in the same pattern something changed within me. This time I said what I said, but as he responded the way that he did my inner voice said, "He is hearing he isn't enough." 

I said this out loud.  I said, "Are you feeling like you're not enough right now?"

He said, "Yes. I am a man. We are always feeling like we're not enough and when you keep bringing these things up it keeps reminding me that I will never be enough. No matter what I do. I am not enough."

That stung. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I wasn't trying to add to his pain. 

We cannot tip toe around people or know what will rub them the wrong way, but understanding their internal battle helps in bringing in more empathy into the dynamic. 

It brought more awareness around how I could connect more with him prior to having these conversations so I wouldn't poke that wound so hard. 

It had nothing to do with tools or phrases I learned to say so I won't share that here. 

Something inside of me changed when I understood how deeply he felt that he wasn't enough. 

That brought in the empathy for me. In this exercise you will experience the same. 

Take a moment when you're alone and close your eyes. Replay some of the last arguments you've had with your husband. Really feel the argument. Was it led with empathy? Don't judge yourself too harshly. It's hard to lead with empathy when we are frustrated, but bring that awareness. 

As you see the argument unfold notice your body language, notice how you feel inside. Notice the energy you're projecting forward. It isn't about what you're saying. It's about the energy you're bringing in to the conversation. 

Allow what ever insight comes to come forward and jot them down in a journal. 

Please take the time to do the exercise. Don't just read it. 

This is the first step to beginning to see where your blind spots were and how you can change the energy in the relationship. 

Within the energy there are energetic factors causing you to poke at his "I am not enough"  wound and there are energetic factors that are maintaining this wound in your husband.  Both are at play and locking in this cycle in your relationship. 

Both need to be addressed to have this issue resolved for good.  I help my clients with the energetics around their relationships. If you would like to understand how I can help you with this, click on the button below to book a FREE consultation. There is no pressure during the call.  You tell me what your problem is and I will assess if I am able to help you. 

Forgiveness is a conscious decision. Even if your emotions don't want to forgive if you consciously understand that forgiveness is for you and not for the other person then you are ready to move forward into the power of forgiveness. 

The problem is that we are not taught how to do this. Resentment and anger will creep up and continuously tell you that that person doesn't deserve forgiveness. You will feel as if forgiving means that what that person did is okay and it's not okay. Your mind will tell you so many stories to get you to not forgive. 

This is where it can help having someone who knows how to guide you into forgiveness. I have personally forgiven what most of society says is unforgivable and I have helped others do the same. Anyone can do it. You can do it, you just haven't been taught how. If you would like help with forgiveness let's chat. I would love to help you.